Lessons I've Learned Along the Way #16 (cancer/caregiving pt 1)

Spouses/loved ones who take on the duties of being the primary caregiver deserve our thanks.  And possibly a medal. 

During the end of my dad's illness, I stayed with my parents quite often.  I saw first hand the amount of work that my mom put into caring for my dad. 

Organizing and administering his meds, making his food, refreshing his coffee, helping with his oxygen compressors and tubes, getting things that he needed, communicating with medical personnel, preparing items for his shower, doting on him, you name it, my mom did it.  

Caregiving was her full time job.

It never stopped.  Even when it stopped.

Meaning- even when she wasn't actively doing something for him she was "on".  Aware.  Paying attention.  Listening.  And ready to move quickly if he needed her.  She was physically doing a lot, but then even when she was "resting", she wasn't truly resting.  It was exhausting just watching it, let alone living it.

As his primary care giver, her whole life revolved around keeping my dad as comfortable as possible and doing what was in her power to extend his life.

As his primary care giver, her whole life revolved around keeping my dad as comfortable as possible and doing what was in her power to extend his life.

That wasn't a misprint.  It's a statement worth repeating. And digesting.  And then maybe even reading again.

Her life was fully engaged in taking care of him.

At some point during the last months of my dad's life it dawned on me- I had been very active in asking questions and helping where I could, but I hadn't actually THANKED my mom for caring for my dad.  

I guess there was a part of me that thought- well of course she would take care of him.  He's her husband and she loves him.  I would do the same in her shoes.

I took her actions for granted.

And I was wrong to do that.

The amount of work, patience, and strength  that was poured into his caregiving deserved many, many thanks.  She temporarily put her life on hold to devote herself to whatever life my dad had left.  And I am so thankful for that.

*For those who are new, I have two dads. My biological dad, Roger, is still alive and well.  These posts are about my step-dad, Jack, who along with my mom raised me (and many siblings) from the time I was 2 1/2 years old.  Jack passed away on December 2, 2014, at the age of 62, due to lung cancer.