Questions I've Gained Along the Way #2 (cancer/camrys)

Questions I've gained along the way #2.

Are Camrys and cancer truly ubiquitous? Or is it just my association that is causing me to see cancer ev.er.y.where. now?

Several years ago our family purchased a white, Toyota Camry. As I drove it around NEPA, it suddenly felt like every fourth car was a white Camry. Two of my friends even had white Camrys. How did this happen? And how did I not see this before? Surely, they had been in plain sight...

Fast forward to today, and I feel a sense of deja vu.

With the announcement of my dad, Jack's cancer, I receive daily messages from friends who have loved ones who have battled, or are battling cancer. And I am stupefied. 

I realize that the Camry phenomenon was just my ownership causing me to notice other Camrys, however is that the case with the "cancer epidemic", as well? 

How many of you have a loved one who has, or has had cancer? *Feel free to add details that you are comfortable sharing, as I foresee your answers turning into prayers from more than a few people.*

Lessons I've Learned Along the Way #9 (cancer/information flow)

Lessons I've learned along the way #9.

The patient & his/her significant other should be allowed to control the information flow, especially on public social media sites.

As much as we "supporting cast" people would like to share updates at will, the truth is that it's not our story to tell. It's theirs. And the "main characters" should have the right to say, or not say what is said, or not said.

If there is bad news, they may need time to digest and come to grips with the info.

If there is good news, we should not burst their bubble by posting it online before they get to do so.

And let's not forget that there are family members who should be notified personally, before info is put on the web. And unless you are a main character, you probably don't know if all of the supporting cast has been notified. 

This is a hard one for me, as I am big on communication. But through this process, I have reminded myself that it's not my story. It's theirs. Therefore, public broadcasts of information is their right. Not mine. And my actions need to respect that right.

Questions I've Gained Along the Way #1 (cancer/environment)

Lest anyone mistakenly think that I've got it all together, or have all of the answers, I'd like to mix in a few "Questions I've gained along the way" posts. If you have any answers or thoughts on the subjects, please feel free to post comments. 

Questions I've gained along the way #1.

If the medical industry acknowledges the correlation between emotions and health, why don't they do more in their medical facilities to foster an emotionally pleasing environment? 

I know that some medical facilities have gone the extra mile in this area, but in the two hospitals that we were in most, the rooms were plain. Visually sterile. Emotionally void.

There was a TV in each room, however to my knowledge there was no music option, or music playing over the intercoms. 

Hospitals have the opportunity to create attractive rooms that have the potential to uplift the spirits of their patients, which in turn may aid in their recovery.

Why do they choose to not use this opportunity? This doesn't seem like a difficult task to me.

Lessons I've Learned Along the Way #8 (cancer/comfort)

Lessons I've learned along the way #8.

Comfort comes in many shapes and sizes. Bask in it, even if it doesn't make sense in that moment.

...

Our faith in God is what has carried us through this journey so far. We take comfort in the knowledge that He is in control and we leave the outcome in His hands. 

But there have been other forms of comfort that have popped up unexpectedly.

For example- my vehicle. (??)

I had been visiting my dad (Jack) in the hospital for several days in a row. It was my new home away from home. One night, as I walked into the parking garage, I saw my CRV standing alone amidst a row of empty parking spots, and I felt a sense of happiness. It was familiar... it represented home... it gave me comfort...

Since then I have tried to be very aware of the other forms of comfort that God has blessed me with.

The expected:

Family.

Friends.

Texts & messages of encouragement.

My "normal" routine.

Patient and understanding clients.

Philippians 4:13

Laughing.

Photography.

Creative brainstorming.

Chocolate. (Of course)

And the unexpected:

My yarden. 

Hot caramel apple cider.

TED Talks &  CreativeLive.

Friends who I am used to supporting, who now support me.

Alone time.

Clients who go the extra mile to do something special.

Helping others.

My gear.

Friends whom I've never met in person, who offer to help.

Photos from HalfBakedHarvest.

Breakfast.

Gathering herbs.

...

God may not literally put His arms around us in times of need. But I believe that He puts people and things in our paths to offer us a place of comfort. Embrace those pockets of comfort even if they appear in the form of a dusty CRV.

Lessons I've Learned Along the Way #7 (cancer/meals)

Lessons I've learned along the way #7.

*This suggestion was on the Today Show, this morning.  smile emoticon I like it!

Instead of asking "What can I bring for a meal?" Suggest a few things and let the person choose. 

There are so many other decisions to be made every day. Having the food choices narrowed down helps immensely! 

Here are some things to know if you're planning to bring something to my parent's house:

My dad is a "nothing fancy" meat and potatoes man. *He also loves chocolate and I'm not just saying that so I can raid his stash. Though, I probably will... 

My mom is allergic to the world. (gluten, dairy, cinnamon, soy, kale, anything processed. Organic is best.)

Having said that- there is a small army at their house at any given moment. So pretty much ANYTHING will work. We are used to having multiple options, to accommodate everyone's needs. Some of us prefer limited carbs and junk. And some live on it. lol Again- anything goes.  smile emoticon

Thank you to everyone who has helped us out in this way. My mom has mentioned how nice it is to not have to cook right now!

Lessons I've Learned Along the Way #6 (cancer/feel)

Lessons I've learned along the way #6.

Allow yourself to feel everything. Allow yourself to feel nothing.

You cannot predict the range of emotions that you will go through in times like this. 

Giving yourself permission to feel whatever comes along will free you from the added emotion of guilt, if & when you feel like:

Sobbing, because you found out your dad's hair was starting to fall out...

Laughing, because you made your sister pee her pants. Again... 

Punching someone in the throat, because they are smoking in front of you...

Crying, because someone helped your family with an unexpected blessing...

Panicking, because you don't know how to connect the oxygen hoses properly... 

Smiling, because you beat your dad in a game of darts... OK, fine. Gloating big time, because you beat your dad in a game of darts... 

Your emotions are going to be all over the map depending on the situation, the mood, the song that plays, the hormones that rage, the wind that blows. 

Expect them. And express them (without throat punching). 

Emotions are part of the journey.

...

And then sometimes they are not.

Numbness may be one of God's greatest gifts during trials.

It's as if He says "Ya know... you've been carrying a lot on your shoulders, so I'm going to just take this load off of you for a while, and let you just be."

And just being is OK, too. 

...

Allow yourself to feel everything. Allow yourself to feel nothing.

Lessons I've Learned Along the Way #5 (cancer/needs)

Lessons I've learned along the way #5.

"Let me know if you need anything." and "What can I do for you?" are interpreted differently.

"Let me know if you need anything." is very kind and so appreciated. I am not knocking this phrase. I have said it, and meant it many, many times, myself. But when I hear this phrase, I simply say "Thank you." (And mean it.) I don't actually tell the person what I need. It just doesn't feel comfortable, for some reason.

But "What can I do for you?" sends the message that you are ready and waiting to help. It's not just a platitude. It is a call for action. You WANT to do something. You just need to know WHAT to do.

Across the board, I have answered the "What can I do?" question with specific needs. And then almost cried because I felt truly loved by the person asking. 

There are always needs. Always. And how you phrase your words has a lot to do with whether you hear those needs or not.